


Aka. Codenames

by ehhhplou



Series: NYC's Human Disasters [2]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Codenames, Drunkenness, Gen, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21934417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ehhhplou/pseuds/ehhhplou
Summary: What do you get when you mix a bunch of recreational substances and idiotic teenagers? A bunch of dumb codenames.
Relationships: Harry Osborn & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Harry Osborn, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker
Series: NYC's Human Disasters [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1545892
Comments: 2
Kudos: 121





	Aka. Codenames

Funky - Malcolm Ducasse

Host - Trish Walker/Hellcat

Lucy - Matt Murdock/Daredevil

Harry was pacing around the room, waving his hands around.

"The guy's a fuckin' catholic! Tha's patron saint of the blind!"

"Damn, you are a genie- geniu- gene- smarty pants Harr." Said Peter, raising his head from MJ’s lap

Ted - Franklin "Foggy" Nelson

"He's like a big teddy bear. A Ted."

Jerry - Ward Meachum

Gay - Joy Meachum

"Gay is happy"

"Happy is Joy"

Live - Elektra Natchios

Bear - Karen Page

"KARE bear"

"Your brain. Legendary."

Pagoda - Claire Temple/Night Nurse

"Maybe 'clear' or 'crystal'' Said MJ, her head hanging upside down from the couch

"Or 'crystal clear'?" Peter wondered, staring at a cactus with a very intense expression

"Maybe we do something with Temple? Like mosque-eeeito?" 

"Harr, get the Thes- Thea- Tyrannosaurus” Yelled MJ with unexpected enthusiasm

Carol - Brett Mahoney

"He just seems like a Carol."

My Father (later changed to Daddy thanks to Deadpool) - Jessica Jones

“Maybe a movie reference?” Wondered MJ, out loud

“My father, he was a drinker.” Snarled Harry in a parody of The Joker

“That was so genius that I would kiss you right on the lips but I’m taken.” Confessed Peter

“You have my blessing.” Said MJ, patting his hair

Waluigi - Luke Cage

“I don’t know, the guy’s like a human wall. That’s his superpo-er” Hiccuped Harry, in the middle of his sentence

“Wall. Wall. Something with wall. Wall.”

“Wall-uigi!” Exclaimed Peter, standing up 

“Luke Cage is fucking Waluigi now.” Stated Harry

“Yea.”

“Well Waluigi is the best character so see if I care.” Peter defended his choice.

MJ looked him over, from top to bottom “I don’t think I see you caring.”

“Me either.”

“EXACTLY.”

Baby - Danny Rand/The Immortal Iron Fist

“He’s babey.”

Sock - Mercedes “Misty” Knight

“KOBE” Harry yells, throwing a pair of sock into a drawer

“MISTY IS KOBE” MJ yells too

“MISTY IS SOCK NOW” Peter adds, screaming

“SOCK”

Neil - Colleen Wing

“What do ya think when you think wing?”

“Angel”

“Angel makes me think Aziraphale, ‘cause Crowley called him tha.”

“Neil Gaiman.”

“Fuck it. Colleen is now Neil.” 

“CollNEIL”

“COLL-NEIL”

“WHAAAA”

Cat - Jeri Hogarth

“She is a PUSSY”

“PUSSY CAT”

“DON’T CHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS A FREAK LIKE ME”

“Actually didn’t she like have to kill her wife?”

“I don’t know, did she?”

“DID SHE?”

Icon - Frank Castle/The Punisher

“Frank on the stand was ICONIC” Expressed Peter, pouring himself a cup of tea and adding vodka into it

“We fucking stan honestly”

“Like he just came up and was like ‘fucc you i do what i want im a bad bass bench’”

“So true”

“Like the tea is scalding hawt”

“He is also kinda cute not gonna lie”

“In that ‘I’ll fuck you up and you’ll want more’ kinda way”

“I would be jealous that you find him so hot MJ, but if I were older I’d let him raw me in an instant. Like you top? You bottom? Wanna make me your coffee table? Wanna turn me into soap? Like I’ll let you.” Peter said, sipping his spiked tea

“Fucking mooooooooood” Harry said, pouring himself a vodka redbull

“What an icon” MJ expressed, spilling her Mike’s Hard on accident “We are too drunk. Like way-ey-eye too drunk”

“Yeah. Wanna another Mike’s Hard?

“Ya. Gimme.” She said, making grabby hands

Doja - Amy Bendix/The Punisher: Better, Faster, Prettier

At this point the spiderlings were sleeping in a puppy pile on top of Harry’s fluffy carpet and the way that they came up with the name was because Michelle’s phone gave a notification. A text from Amy. Above was a YouTube notification that Doja Cat posted a music video.

"Amy's Doja."

"Okay" mumbled Harry, half asleep

-

The next day they woke up massive hangovers, well not Peter (fucking super healing) and a shitty google docs. Oh well. Those are the fucking codenames.

**Author's Note:**

> merry chrysler  
> this is really just a stupid idea that i had in my head for a while and i finally decided to put it in words. 
> 
> -p


End file.
